Mother’s Day is coming up on Sunday, May 13th, 2012 and now seemed to be a very appropriate time to post this blog entry.
Many times mothers or mother figures are automatically equated with being caregivers.
Sometimes caregivers get so busy doing so many things for others, that they may forget what they need to do just for themselves!
This blog post will hopefully serve as a little reminder that sometimes caregivers need a little care and sometimes caregivers simply need to be good to themselves.
Don’t forget to care for the caregiver!
(Machine embroidery design for slice of bread memo pad shape from Birdhouse Cottage Crafts; hand/finger with string bow machine embroidery design from MooseBStitchin; sewout & photo by Stephanie of sensorynutrition.com).
A quote that has been attributed to Rosalynn Carter, a former First Lady and wife of former President Jimmy Carter, is that “There are only 4 types of people in this world: those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and [then] those who will need caregivers.” Although there are those people who may die under different circumstances, the reality is that most people will fall under Rosalynn Carter’s description.
This blog post is dedicated to those who have been, and/or are currently, or will be caregivers. It is being posted by a special request made by a reader back in January who raised the topic and came up with the blog post title. She mentioned to me in her email an example of how caregivers can get burned out. She wrote “It is so easy to focus all your energies on [an]other’s recovery and [lose] sight of the fact that you are eating macaroni and cheese 5 nights a week because that’s all [you perceive] your [special needs] child can tolerate.”
Remembering that perception sometimes becomes reality, a caregiver can get burned out on so many fronts at once and might benefit from a true positive sensory “pick-me-up” just for them. Often if a caregiver is not a specifically compensated person, but rather does the effort out of love, loyalty, or friendship, the caregiver may not typically receive the recognition, respect, and support from others that she (or he) deserves, and quite frankly, may really be in desperate need of a little TLC herself (or himself).
Caregiving can be very stressful and draining/exhausting on multiple levels. Caregiving can tax the giver emotionally, physically, and more often than not, financially. Sometimes caregivers need a “little help from their friends” (including family & community) to get through the experience. Some caregivers are giving persons by nature and simply are not selfish people, so they may not ask for help and others may not think to offer them help. It’s easy to think that a caregiver can somehow “do it all” simply because the caregiver always seems to go that extra mile for others without thinking through ALL the consequences for herself or himself.
If a caregiver can take better care of herself or himself, then ultimately, the caregiver will also most likely be able to take better care of others. That’s where the connection comes in to paying attention to what the caregiver has available and consumes when it comes to food choices. Caregivers need to be valued, too, and need to obtain enough nourishment themselves and enough rest themselves. Sometimes that is easier said than done, but if others can pitch in and help with respite arrangements, etc., it can make a world of difference in the complexion of a caregiver’s life.
Often in the American culture it is assumed a female will assume the role of caregiver, although in other cultures males may assume the role. Other family members can forget that maybe the female would like to just go back to being a person who also happens to be a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, wife, or friend, etc., rather than always being the caregiver.
If you see an opportunity to help a caregiver, take it. If you care about a family member, or another relative or friend or neighbor in your community, act in a positive way to assist them as a caregiver, rather than allow that person to become exhausted from extended periods of caregiving with no respite in site. Endless caregiving can be dangerous not only to the caregiver, but also to the person(s) being cared for as a caregiver can’t give his or her best when they are sub-par themselves.
Just as friends don’t let friends drive drunk, friends and family should not allow round-the-clock caregivers to wipe themselves out and work beyond exhaustion trying to meet the needs of others. Share some empathy, share some wisdom from another vantage point perspective, and even share some fellow human kindness through action to help a caregiver get through the rough spots when they need a helping hand.
If you know a caregiver who is juggling a lot right now, think about if they could use some assistance, and then turn compassion into active solutions to be of some real assistance. There may be some local resources or someone could turn to some of the national & even international resources (beyond the Rosalynn Carter National Institute for Caregiving aka RCI) that potentially could produce some leads, such as the:
- Family Caregiver Alliance® (of the National Center on Caregiving) which offers their fact sheet of “45 Facts About Family Caregivers” and much more;
- National Alliance for Caregiving which has noted that today’s “Family caregivers often want web-based and mobile technologies to help them care for their loved ones” per se and more, as well as highlighting the “Double Jeopardy for Baby Boomers Caring For Their Parents” situation when “These family caregivers are themselves aging as well as providing care at a time when they also need to be planning and saving for their own retirement” and the “… potential cost to the caregiver in lost wages and future retirement income as a result of their support” and
- Strength for Caring (Johnson and Johnson site) which features 10 Tips to Care for You and much more.
It is also NOT selfish for a caregiver to consider a point of view of “me first” either. A dietetic colleague, Rebecca Scritchfield, RD, has a brand of “Me First” and it is based on the concept that each of us deserves some “me time” every single day. She notes that “Eating well, exercising, and having fun are the secrets to having more energy and getting what we want out of life.” Using a concept of “leading by example” this RD mentions that it is necessary to show “…our loved ones…[and help them to] learn “I am important.” Let’s show our families and friends that self-care is not [an] option, [it’s] a mission.” Feel free to check out Rebecca Scritchfield’s blog site to learn more about this approach.
A big THANK YOU to all the caregivers out there, who have held and continue to hold together the fabric of nations. Without you, everything would simply fall apart…